Warm, golden sunshine poured through the windows of Habecker South Hall on the evening of Feb. 20 as Dave and Mary Gothi, a self-described “unlikely couple,” took the stage to introduce themselves to students and faculty at Taylor.
“A lot of people don’t think we’re a couple—because I’m taller than him, and our skin tones are different,” Mary said.
Despite their dissimilarities, Dave said that God has used their union to create a ripple effect, reaching countless numbers of people through their ministries that would not have happened without them meeting one another.
The gathering was an intimate one, with a small group of attendees that ranged from single adults to couples who had been together for 30 years. The co-founders of The Significant Marriage book and Sunshine Kids International nonprofit ministries chatted with members in the audience during a meal together before presenting.
Dave and Mary said they met as two middle-aged divorcees who had experienced painful pasts. They were both broken by the fact that they could not save their marriages no matter how hard they fought.
After getting married to each other in the late 1990s, the couple started a marriage counseling group in their home, studying the book “His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard Harley.
In 2001, Dave felt the Lord calling them to move from Massachusetts to California. Mary said she struggled inwardly during this time, as her childhood being an army brat had led her to treasure the time they had spent during the last five years in one place.
Dave said he realized he had to give Mary space to decide for herself. Although it was painful, Mary later realized that this step forward opened them up to getting involved in impactful ministries that would take them all over the world, from Austria to Mumbai.
The Gothis have led the Dynamic Marriage course from Family Dynamics Institute since 2001. Because of their experience working with couples in crises, Dave said they were inspired to write a book that would implement preventative tools for those in relationships.
They were drawn to the word “significant” after they felt God calling them to center the idea of having a healthy relationship around serving him. A marriage is significant when it serves a greater purpose than just two people taking a vow, Mary said.
The Gothis began leading seminars and retreats centered around this material for their friends. Mary said that God opened doors, and their church got involved with fundraising, helping to give them the freedom to bring ministry to parts of the world that wouldn’t be able to afford it.
Part of the Gothi’s marriage ministry is rooted in training couples how to use the Significant Marriage curriculum so that they can become mentors to others.
“We have couples all over the world, like in Ukraine, that will lead the seminar when we're not there,” Mary said.
Dave said that his hope for couples at Taylor is that they find ways to invest in their relationship so they will be prepared for whatever challenges come their way after they are married.
Mary cautioned couples to not simply assume that because they are in love they know how to be married.
Drawing on her experience in psychotherapy, Mary addressed common causes of people in relationships who fall out of love after committing to one another. People can easily overlook each other’s faults for the first two years regardless of if they are meeting each other’s needs, as they are in a state of limerence, she said.
After the hormones wear off, what remains is how much sacrificial love two people have for each other. She added that when a person is consumed by frustration by their significant other, they often become blind to their partner’s potential.
“You don't have the chance to really honor who God created them to be,” Mary said. “You can't see them as God created. You see them as somebody that's driving you mad.”
Greg Dyson, vice president for spiritual life and intercultural leadership and campus pastor, said he heard about Dave and Mary due to their involvement at Mercy Road Church and strong influence on Nate Nupanga ’14.
Participating in the worksheet exercise during the seminar reminded Dyson and his wife Gina to affirm each other more.
“When somebody gives you a sheet and says, ‘Hey, how often do you say something encouraging to the person that you live and love?’” he said. “I had to think about that…”
The Gothis are a couple that can help students navigate aspects of the tension in relationships that are not frequently addressed at Taylor, Dyson said.
Sophomore Dimitra Mayanja said that marriage seminars are an important aspect that the youth need just as much as the older generation.
“If they don't teach us, then the world is going to teach us,” she said.
Mayanja gleaned a lot in the seminar about understanding how God knows what each person needs regardless of whether they want it themselves. She believes students will end up thanking him for that, even if they do not understand it at first.
Sophomore Bronwyn Craddock said that she related to the Gothi’s personal differences with her boyfriend of two and a half years. She was encouraged that while she might not have the exact same life goals as her boyfriend, they can still embrace each other’s value through the attributes they admire in each other and trust God to align their goals.
“(Dave and Mary’s differences have) led to a lot of really exciting things for them,” Craddock said. “They talked about how it's benefited them, and I think that was just encouraging. I also really liked both of their willingness to do what they think God has called them to (do).”
The Gothis said that they hope that they can come back to Taylor on a regular basis and connect with students, adding that this was “just the beginning.”
