Rebecca Lindsay has been a mother for 20 years.
She and Michael Lindsay have lived all over the country and outside of it, including their first jobs in Dallas, New Jersey for Princeton University, the U.K. for University of Oxford, Princeton again and Rice University in Houston, Texas, for Michael’s first teaching post.
They moved to Boston for 10 years for Michael’s presidency at Gordon College, and now, they are entering their fourth year of his presidency at Taylor University.
Amidst all that, Rebecca’s journey as a mom has been far from typical. Elizabeth, her first daughter, was born with a rare genetic disorder which requires constant care. When Elizabeth was 6, Rebecca gave birth to twin daughters. In a season of wondering if she was equipped to take care of one child, she suddenly had three.
At the time, they were living in Houston.
“That first year, Michael’s mom flew in every weekend on Southwest,” Lindsay said. “His grandmother came for a month and stayed with us. Everyone just pitched in to help us.”
Something Rebecca has learned over the years is that Elizabeth, like every child, has gone through seasons. Some stages of life have been easier than others. Every time she learned one way to care for her daughters, they had already moved on to the next days’ struggles.
“I think being a mom or dad is hard,” she said. “There's not a lot of instructions, so I think it's hard for any parent. But if you have a child who's not typical, it just adds another layer of complexity.”
Rebecca has come to deeply know the daily battles of motherhood. Though, her everyday struggles are different than most.
Preschool for Elizabeth cost $30,000. Michael and Rebecca had to find her an adapted stroller to fit her needs. Every single day, they wondered what new question would arise.
Yet, over the years, Rebecca has seen the pattern of God’s provision of community wherever he has placed them.
This past summer, Elizabeth fell, breaking both of her front teeth. This exposed two nerves, putting her in significant pain. Because of her special needs, it was incredibly difficult for the Lindsays to find doctors who could care for her.
Eventually, Rebecca was able to bring together a team of doctors who could help her daughter.
“That day we got back from her surgery, our older neighbors brought us a soup,” she said. “I should be taking care of them, and they were taking care of us! It was the sweetest thing, beautiful. We really felt the support and prayer for people in the community reaching out to us … We felt very supported, very loved.”
While Rebecca has seen the ways others have poured into herself and Elizabeth, she has also seen Elizabeth make a significant contribution to the people in her life.
Her daughter never runs out of love to give to her family and friends. She has a special way of caring for each person in her day.
“I think people enjoy being around her because she always gives you a hug. She makes you feel special, like she thinks you're the only one in the room,” Rebecca said.
As a mother, Rebecca has learned to find beauty in situations that are far from ideal. In a calling that many people would not envy, she has also learned that her motherhood still follows some of the same patterns that others do.
With every child, she said, there are different seasons, different stages. Not all of them are blissful, some of them are difficult; for example, learning to die to yourself, and to grieve any preconceived notions of what you pictured life to be.
“I became an expert in an area I didn’t really care to be an expert in,” she said.
But the beauty of a season is that it will not last forever.
Rebecca entered a new season when her twin daughters, Caroline and Emily, were born. They are in their freshman year of high school now.
“I'm also really grateful that God gave us twin daughters at the beginning,” Rebecca said. “Everyone wasn't sure how that would work, but they are such gifts. I needed girls, and he’s gifted them each differently, but they're both ways that help me and help (Elizabeth), and there's a lot of joy.”
In joy and in pain, Rebecca loves each of her daughters deeply. She needs them all, she said.
She has also needed the support and love of Christian community around her. Whether that has been family, friends, neighbors or strangers, she has relied on the support of the body of Christ to step in and fill the needs of such a unique motherhood.
“It affects everything,” Rebecca said, through tears. “Love on (families with special needs children) if you are in the church. Figure out ways that you can be supportive.”
