By Luke A. Wildman | Echo
It's election season, ladies and gentlemen, and you don't have to look hard to realize that ignorance is in style right now. That said, how can you embody that style and prove your coolness to all your friends? Below are seven easy steps to transform your personality.
One: Stop reading newspapers. Seriously. The fact you clicked on this website is a big no-no. News exposes you to world events and other people's opinions. Before you know it, you'll be empathizing! Stop it!
Two: Only look for facts that prove you right. The nice thing about this step is it's both enjoyable and oh-so-important in becoming ignorant. After all, the more ways you have of being confident in your stances, the less likely people are to sway you. Seek out media outlets that lean the same direction you do, discredit those that don't and memorize selective facts about an issue of your choice. All that's left? Impress your friends with your informed stance.
Three: Ignore inconvenient truths. This is the other half of step two. When someone quotes a fact that disagrees with your stance, you have two options: ridicule them for it or find a way to explain why it should be ignored. You'll find tons of convenient excuses online. Conspiracy theories can be especially helpful. WARNING: You may have to use this strategy when someone you support does something incredibly unethical; a presidential candidate, for instance. Make sure to justify all their actions.
Four: Avoid other cultures. I'm not just talking about cultures from other countries-be especially wary of people who live close to you but have different upbringings and ways of looking at the world. The reasons for this are similar to those for step one: empathy is an ignorance killer, folks. So make sure that all your friends and acquaintances have the same heritage and opinions you have.
Five: Scorn emotions. Don't you hate it when people share personal anecdotes about their sufferings and experiences when discussing an issue with you? How pathetic. I recommend being as cold as possible-help people see that, in light of your conveniently selected facts, they should just toughen up, no matter how much pain they think they've endured.
Six: Show people they're wrong. And if possible, do it loudly. Remember, you are the sole champion of truth in this world. So if you're not going to point out people's flaws, who will? Go out of your way to accomplish this-especially in internet chatrooms. Those are lawless dens of bigotry and human waste, and someone has to straighten them out! And as you do that, make sure they realize just how superior your intelligence is compared to theirs. Which leads me to my next point . . . .
Seven: Hate those with different opinions. Disagreement with you is always the same as a personal attack, so attack back! Shred people's cherished beliefs, but don't stop there. Insult their gender, hair, clothing and the way they talk. Compare them to Hitler as often as you possibly can.
If you follow those steps, my friend, you'll be well on the road to total ignorance. Practice makes perfect. And the more you follow those steps, the easier they'll become. So start practicing today, and remember: no one wants to be left out of style.
