By Julia Oller | Echo
In The Game of Life, where dream careers are the luck of the draw and mansions come without mortgages, marriage is an inevitable stop along the way.
In the real-life version, though, tying the knot isn't as effortless as parking the minivan and adding another miniscule plastic piece to the vehicle.
Nearly all of senior Dustin Waldron's friends are engaged or dating, and he has watched pressure build this semester as seniors feel the need to secure their love lives before graduation.
"To me, 'ring by spring' is a joke, but the actual pressure's not," Waldron said.
Despite the perception that Taylor provides the ideal environment to meet a future spouse, 73 percent, or nearly three-quarters, of all 17,996 Taylor graduates are married to non-Taylor grads. A 2013 Facebook Data Sciences study showed similar results, finding that only 28 percent of married college graduates married someone from the same school.
Waldron has no problem being single. Statistically speaking, he feels he has a better chance of finding someone outside of Upland.
"There's a lot more people outside of Taylor than inside of Taylor," Waldron said. "Just because you're in close proximity with people doesn't necessarily mean you have to date them or marry them."
Dara Berkhalter, executive director of Alumni Relations, had no intention of marrying a Taylor grad when she graduated in 2002. After meeting her (now) husband Jason ('97) when they were in Taylor's MBA program in 2008, she jokingly told a friend that he was the man she would marry. Six years of long distance dating later, they married last August.
Berkhalter said that sometimes students feel that if they leave school without a significant other, they'll be off on their own with no outside support. But she encourages anxious students to embrace their singleness like she and her friends did during her time working in Chicago.
Every Saturday they met for brunch; every spring break meant a trip to a different island.
"We loved our single life," Berkhalter said.
As the average age of marriage continues to increase-it's currently 29 for men and 27 for women-singleness is becoming the norm rather than the exception. A 2014 Pew Research Study on millennials (adults ages 18-33), found that only 26 percent of those in this age group are married.
Taking for self-reflection after graduation is invaluable to a fulfilling single life, according to Berkhalter and Megan Elder, a 2006 graduate.
Although Elder did not marry a Taylor grad, she felt pressure to marry soon out of college like many of her friends. Due to the unhealthy nature of her relationship, she divorced her husband six years after marrying him.
"What's important is that you have to work on yourself first," Elder said. "Healthy people attract other healthy people."
Few solid statistics on the divorce rate of Taylor grads exist, but this has not stopped a common rumor that the divorce rate at Taylor is higher than the national average. According to the Taylor alumni database, 2 percent of Taylor grads who marry other Taylor grads and 5 percent of those who don't marry Taylor grads are divorced.
Berkhalter said that these results are skewed, however, because not all grads change their name or marital status when they divorce. The national divorce rate is approximately 21 percent, according to the 2010 U.S. Census.
Even though most Taylor couples stay together, counselor Caroline Poland believes that the pervasive "ring by spring" mentality adds unnecessary stress to seniors already overwhelmed with graduation. She has watched seniors use their romantic relationships as shields to guard against impending changes, which sometimes leads to harm.
"To know that you are starting a life with someone instead of having to go out into the unknown alone can feel very reassuring," Poland said. "But it can also lead people into staying in relationships that aren't healthy or good for them, just for that security."
Poland, Waldron, Berkhalter and Elder want students to know that it's just fine to leave Taylor without a wedding band.
"Just because at the moment you're single on campus doesn't mean you're bound for failure," Waldron said.
He might be a third wheel for the next few weeks, but Waldron doesn't mind. While his friends take a pitstop at Marriage, he can cruise on through.
