Stalking Stuffers

By Austin Lindner | Echo

It's a classic conundrum. As finals week rolls around the corner, Christmas is just days away and you still don't have that perfect present for your roommate.

Gift-giving for roommates is no simple holiday feat. The stakes are high. If you fail to find a present that shows just how well you and your roomie know each other, they could be out your door in a flash, moving into off-campus housing without you. (Especially if you followed the "How to Scare Your Roommate with DIY Halloween Crafts" article's advice.)

You don't want to make a gift card the last straw before your roommate abandons you for a guy or girl with some real Christmas cheer.

Fortunately, there are many sneaky methods to find the perfect gift for your roommate, falling into three different categories.

1. Become them for a day

This simple technique has worked for desperate roommates since the dawn of time. The goal here is to get inside your roommate's mind, essentially claiming his or her identity for a day until you can predict what he or she wants most for the holidays.

Now, you can't do this half-heartedly. If this method is going to work, you have to go for it all the way. The first step is to hijack the wardrobe-socks, scarves, underwear, everything. Once you've put on their favorite outfit, the next step would be to attend classes and other commitments as your roommate. If anyone asks what you are doing, respond like your roommate would.

For this method, the more you get lost in character, the better. If you do this right, at the end of the day you shouldn't even know who you are. Even if you completely lose your sanity in the process, you'll know one thing-what your special roomie wants for Christmas.

2. Stalk them

If you're not willing to go all the way and become your roommate for the day, this is the next best option. Now when I say stalk, I don't mean follow your roommate around for a few hours giggling and posting pictures on Instagram. I mean spy for more than a day, taking detailed notes and recording observations about his or her reactions and behavior patterns.

Make sure to write down everything, including who they're texting, if he or she blows their nose and how many times he or she goes to the bathroom. At the end of your 36-hour stalking period, find a quiet place to analyze your pages of notes. If you still can't decipher the perfect gift from your data, kidnap a psychology major and see what they can come up with.

3. Mind games

Manipulating your roommate's mind is always a viable option when it comes to determining holiday gifts. According to the always-reputable source WikiHow, hypnosis can be a great way to pry the truth out of your stubborn friend. One technique is pressing your hand firmly against your roommate's face and repeating a chant for an hour or two. In this case, I would suggest something along the lines of "Santa must know, Santa must know."

Another simple mind game is the concept of inception. Like Leonardo DiCaprio in that one movie, you're going to need to enter your roommate's brain while he sleeps and plant the idea of a gift in his mind palace. That way you will know for sure what he wants for Christmas without even having to ask. Just don't get stuck in limbo. And tell Joseph-Gordon Levitt who sent you.

Good luck!

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