Nichole Parks | Echo I hit her car. Lucky for me, the only thing bent out of shape was my parents. They decided I bumped my brother's girlfriend's car on purpose.
And maybe I would have if I had thought of it.
You see, Gabe had been courting What's-Her-Face for three months. That's right: Courting. Which supposedly meant this girlwould be my future sister-in-law. The lovebirds were committed to a life sentence with supervised visits. The lovely warden, Mrs. What's-Her-Face, could cancel their dates 15 minutes before Gabe left for the 45-minute drive, or she could confine them to separate corners of the couch during movie nights.
Remember the good old days when all was fair in love and war? Yeah, not when it comes to courtship. There were many steps to courting. Read: many steps back.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me explain the rules of courtship.
- Permission from the girl's father
- Heavy parental involvement
- Supervised dates (generally a sibling third-wheels it)
- Limited physical affection
- Intentions of marriage
After the first month, Gabe turned into the Hulk at the tiniest tease. I learned that the first time he put me in a headlock. I tried not to take it personally, figured he'd picked it up at the Big House.
Except I'm a girl. I take everything personally. So, when Gabe told me they planned to crash Granny and my premiere party, I became hostile. No, we couldn't pause the show. "The Bachelor" would start in T-minus 20 minutes, and I needed to be there, or I might never see a healthy relationship modeled. Because unlike courtship, dating has one rule: you either get a rose, or you don't.
Right about then, right as I backed out of the garage, thinking all about how my future nieces and nephews would be What's-Their-Faces, I did something. And you're probably not going to believe me (hardly anyone else does) when I say it was an accident. But I hit her car backing out. On accident.
Of course, What's-Her-Face, being a Proverbs 31 woman, forgave me.
I, for one, being a Proverbs 14 trainee, still had her number.
Gabe, being constantly Hulk-like, hardly spoke to me from January to April.
Recently, the online Christian community has been abuzz with articles like Thomas Umstattd Jr.'s "Why Courtship is Fundamentally Flawed." Now, I'm no expert. I can only speak as a victim in the courtship crossfire. But courting is like putting a tricycle in "The Fast and the Furious." Why do Christians promote such an intense relationship? Why send couples on dates at all if they have to be supervised?
Honestly, I can't answer those questions. All I know is on paper courtship sounds very Christian and holy, and it seems to be working out well for the Duggar family.
In practice, courtship involves the families too much.
I don't know about you, but I believe there are three people in every relationship: boy, girl and God. Any more or less than that creates complications. I believe couples should be given the responsibility of establishing their own boundaries and keeping them. Gabe didn't learn how to set boundaries for himself. Warden What's-Her-Face called all the shots, even the abrupt ending. So, when boy met girl No. 2,he made some of the same mistakes. I believe love creates its own hiccups without adding families into the mix.
Take Gabe for example. Love. Hormones. Whatever it was, What's-Her-Face brought out the Hulk in "mild-mannered Gabe." When Gabe didn't know his own strength, my bruise could tell you. So, as a big sister, I became protective of him and prickled at her very name. My parents called that "rude." So, for over seven months, the What's-Their-Faces turned our lives and calendar upside down. Any plans we had were tossed out the window the moment she came or he left.
Really, after all that, I'm just pleased to announce that The Bachelor and the bachelorette are married, and my brother is happily single.
