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How to Use the University Library

The Dos and Don'ts of Zondervan

Alyssa tries to help us make it through finals so we can get to Christmas.

Alyssa tries to help us use the library appropriately.

By Alyssa Roat | Echo

Have you ever visited Zondervan Library? Some might answer, “Yes, I live there.” Some may never have stepped foot within its bookish doors. However, for veteran and newbie alike, there’s plenty to learn about how to use the library properly.

  1. The book drop is a noisemaker.

    Have you ever made vomiting noises into a book drop before? Then you’re missing out! Several young Taylor men have discovered the joys of making disgusting noises into the book drop to startle library employees and echo through the silent halls of study. Unfortunately, due to this behavior, the book drop is now locked during operating hours, but feel free to continue partaking in this activity when the library is closed and empty.

  1. The galleria is a tolf ball course.

    An exciting course runs through the galleria. Art, glass, windows and students trying to study are excellent obstacles in tennis ball golf, and swinging golf clubs in the close quarters is a thrill. While you’re at it, you might as well use the ramp as a skatepark. Get out your longboard and run over some studious peers.

  1. The stairwell is for making important announcements.

    Have a private conversation you want everyone to hear? You’re in luck! Even the quietest voices at the top or bottom of the main library staircase travel with full-bodied echoes to every floor. If you have a very important inappropriate joke, personal conversation or secret to share, this is the place for you.

  1. The study rooms are for couples.

    In case the massive windows offering a full view into the study rooms for any passerby didn’t clue you in, the study rooms are secretive, intimate places perfect for you to get snuggly with your significant other. This is especially the case at closing time, when student workers are supposed to go around locking up all the study rooms. They love following the sound of your giggles across the “silent” study floor, knocking on the door, poking their heads in and reminding you, as you disentangle yourselves, that the library will be closed in two minutes. They especially love when they have to come back after closing at midnight and stand in the doorway while you finish your business and pack up so they can finally go home.

  1. All of the books on the shelves are completely useless.

    They’re just there for decoration. They definitely aren’t filled with information you won’t find on Google. You’re probably better off using Bing and complaining that you can’t find anything on the subject.

    So there you have it! Now that you have this newfound knowledge of the library’s many uses, go ahead and make your presence known with the book drop, play some tolf, announce your victory in the stairwell and retreat to the study rooms to celebrate your victory with a nice guy or gal while admiring the pure aesthetic of expensive blocks of paper arranged on shelves.

Note: Unfortunately, for once in Survival Guide history, all of these are real things that people do. Don’t be that person. And to all you study room couples: go get a hammock.

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