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Taylor Survival Guide

Beating the heat

By Alyssa Roat | Echo

Students report humidity levels so high picture frames are falling off the walls like projectiles, the Command strips unable to endure. Everywhere, students are melting into the concrete, seeping into the grass and sloshing into air conditioned buildings for reprieve. What is a student to do?

 

Worry not. The Taylor Survival Guide has solutions for you!

 

  1. Shower Power

The first step is to laminate your textbooks. Why, you ask? Because from now on, you will be doing your homework in the cold shower.

 

  1. Back to the Garden

Next, you will have to institute “Adam and Eve Before the Fall” Appreciation Day, where all students will dress like our illustrious forebears. Adam and Eve are in the Bible, so this is a very Christian thing to do. It will foster very intentional community.

 

  1. Cool Ride

But how will you stay cool while walking from class to class? Don’t worry, the Taylor Survival Guide has you covered. Taylor’s campus is notoriously hilly. Just use a giant ice block (approx. 4×4’) to go sliding away! Your no-longer-toasty tushie will thank you!

 

  1. Sneaky Solitude

Sometimes you just have to hide from the heat. Do any of your friends have a mini fridge? Climb inside and claim it as your new home.

 

  1. Eating Smart

The D.C. has some great options as well. Just open the top of the soda dispensers and dive inside to snuggle into the ice cubes.

 

  1. Stay Grounded

Tile floors are nice and cool. If you have class in Euler, Nussbaum, Metcalf or Smith-Hermansson, all you need to do is slither to class on your stomach to soak in the cool caresses of linoleum.

 

  1. Make New Friends

This one is for underclassmen. Sharing is caring. Sneak into a senior apartment, fill their bathtub with ice cubes and nap in the ice bath. You are guaranteed to make an unforgettable first impression.

 

If all else fails, there’s only one thing left to do. Sprawl out. Give in. Gaze into the shimmering sky and prepare your soul to meet your maker.

 

It will be at this moment that Indiana will decide to snow. Congratulations. You now have hypothermia.

 

Note: Most of these are terrible ideas. If you do them, The Echo claims no responsibility for the repercussions. Be smart. Drink water.

 

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