By Payton Lechner | Contributor
Over and over again, my friends have repeated the same awful phrases: "When you get married, you should do this at your wedding," or, "When you get married, I better be in the ceremony."
I'm always quick to correct them-"If. If I get married."
In today's society (especially in a Christian community, at a Christian college, in a Christian girl's dorm), people believe there's somebody out there for everyone. When I challenged a friend about this, she went so far as to say that people who remain single simply "never found their somebody."
I hope that statement bothers you as much as it bothers me. Not only is it depressing to imagine people living and dying alone simply because they never crossed paths with the person they were meant to spend their lives with, but it's also unbiblical. Even within a Christian community, where we often feel we have to defend the institution of marriage, we need to realize that some of us aren't going to get married.
Occasionally we hear about those who are "called to singleness." However, people don't seem to use that phrase frequently, and when they do it's often jokingly or even with a negative connotation. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:7, "But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another."
The "gift of singleness" should not be treated as a consolation prize or a nice way of saying you were just unlucky and never found "the one." The gift of singleness should be considered of equal value to the gift of marriage. And for those of you afraid of ending up alone, I'd suggest you stop worrying. God gives us gifts according to what we can handle and what will best serve us spiritually. So if the idea of being single your whole life sounds like a fate worse than death, God probably wouldn't pick that gift for you. I can't claim to know anything for certain, but "If your children ask for a fish, do you give them a snake instead?" (Luke 11:1)
Sometimes people seem to pity those gifted with singleness, because they think lives are emptier without marriage. It's true that you miss some experiences by not getting married-marriage involves sharing your life with someone in a way no other friendship can replicate.
However, I think by choosing marriage, people also miss things they could have experienced if they'd stayed single. As it says later in 1 Corinthians 7:32-33, "I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord's work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife."
Paul goes on to say it's the same for women who are married. Whether married or unmarried, you're going to miss out on something. As Paul explains, "I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible" (1 Corinthians 7:35).
In the end, I'm not trying to convince any of you to swear an oath of abstinence. However, I am asking you to accept "if," not as a resignation to life as a lonely spinster, but as an acknowledgment that there are options besides marriage.
