By Chaslyn Sheppard | Contributor
As a Christian college student living with depression and anxiety, I am too often told that I must not have strong enough faith. I am often told that if I truly wanted to be cured, I would pray it away or attend chapel more often. I am told that I might just be sinning too much. I am even told to "snap out of it."
Depression is not a sin but a disease. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 13 percent of college students have been or will be diagnosed with depression or anxiety. Yet, so many of us are unaware of what depression is and how it can affect us. We cannot see the hurt, pain or feelings of isolation, so we act as if they don't exist. When we do see depression, especially in Christians, we often relate the feelings to sin.
Yes, sin can enhance our feelings of depression. We can begin to feel so consumed by the flames of our sin that we become desolate and helpless. But sin is not the cause-it's merely a correlation.
People tell us that as children of God, we are to be joyful-without feelings of hopelessness or thoughts of suicide. People tell us that if we stop sinning (which is impossible), then we will stop being depressed. So if I'm supposed to feel so great by separating myself from sin, why do I feel the world is crashing down around me no matter how hard I try?
It is time for us to stop seeing people who are diagnosed with depression as being less deserving of the grace of God. It is time for us to see these people as victims of a terrible ailment.
As a Christian suffering from depression, I have struggled with the idea of my disease being caused by sin. I think back to biblical characters such as King David and how he was riddled with depression and the Lord brought him out of it. David was depressed because of his intense feelings of guilt. I'm depressed because of being severely abused as a child and heartbroken as a young adult.
My depression is not my sin. Your depression is not your sin. Our illness, whether brought on by our environment, our biology or a mixture of both, is exactly that-our illness. It is something we battle each and every day, and it is time to stop feeling guilty for having been dealt these cards. I truly believe that my having depression has been a beautiful blessing. I have drawn closer to Christ through my pain and used my story to bring others to Him as well.
Still, there are times when I can't help but be angry with God. Times when I cry out to Him, "Are you even listening to me?" and cry myself to sleep. Times when I continue to think about not living.
So I have to ask myself, "Is there a reason I have this illness?" If God isn't healing me, maybe there is something else that I am supposed to get out of this.
In John 9, when the disciples asked Jesus what sins caused the man's blindness, Jesus responded with, "It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him." Sometimes our weaknesses, our battles, our true struggles are ways to showcase Christ, sometimes through healing and sometimes by patiently waiting.
My challenge to you is to talk about depression. Learn what it is and why so many of us suffer beneath its grasp. When we step back and understand that depression is not a sin, we can begin to see how we can use it to glorify God's kingdom.
