Drew Pemberton | Echo
Let me give a small disclaimer about my opinion on courtship before I explain how I view it. The ideas I'm presenting are not perfect and are certainly not universal. However, I believe these ideas give some excellent guidelines, which I follow, because I am currently in a courtship. With that in mind, there are five points I'd like to touch on to define how I see modern courtship: intentionality, focus, balance, wisdom and accountability.
Intentionality is important to courtship because it sets the tone and direction of the relationship. One of the goals of courtship is to answer the question of whether two people could potentially get married. It avoids the "I-like-you, you-like-me, let's-get-together" mentality that is often seen in dating. Don't see it as a ton of pressure and commitment for someone that you barely know; one of the important parts of courtship is getting to know the person as a friend before even starting on the courtship path together.Hopefully by this point you see some personality traits that are appealing to you and you enjoy spending time with this person.
Your focus in this process should be on pleasing God-not just yourself. First, you need to prayerfully consider whether marriage is in God's plan for you. Marriage is a good thing, but as Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7, when a man marries, his interests are divided between God and his wife. Your primary focus should be on God's will, not on your own.
In a courtship, you should also make it a priority to maintain balance in all aspects of your life and not throw all your time and energy into the relationship. In his book "Boy Meets Girl" (an excellent resource on modern courtship), Joshua Harris prescribes three areas in which a couple should be growing to keep the courtship balanced and healthy: friendship, fellowship and romance. All three areas are important if you are to move towards marriage and engagement in a healthy manner.
Another important factor is wisdom shared from those older than you, including your parents. Before starting a courtship and entering into a relationship, it would be good to seek guidance from godly Christians you respect and know. The book of Proverbs is full of exhortations about wisdom and how, from the counsel of others, one gains knowledge of how to be godly. One of the best ways to learn about another person's good qualities is to talk to married couples, for they can help you determine whether these characteristics are in your significant other. You are not going to find the perfect person, but what you are looking for is what is in their heart. Do they have a heart for God? Are they willing to change and correct their ways to better follow Him?
It's also important for parents, older couples, or others to hold you accountable.With modern courtship, you don't necessarily have to ask the girl's father for permission before you court the girl, but it is certainly wise to get her parents involved in guiding you in the courtship.
In conclusion, I'll end with this point. Your relationship should have an attitude of balance-being more than friends but less than lovers. That attitude might not be very clear but it's purposeful. Balance keeps you on your toes about how you treat the other person and prevents you from treating the courtship like a mini-marriage.
Courtship is intended to be an alternative to dating. It's not supposed give us a "holier-than-thou" attitude but to give us focus on God. It's intended to give us checks and balances on our human passions, which can sometimes go awry. The biggest question to answer is: are you focused on God?
